One of the best life skills I’ve learned is how to improve confidence. It took me out of dreamland and into living the life of my dreams.
I used to spend a LOT of time daydreaming without taking action and indulging in overanalyzing the next step out of fear of failure or embarrassment. It took me YEARS to make changes that deeply mattered because my overanalysis and lack of confidence created paralysis. I previously thought I needed to find confidence before taking action. Realizing that humans are not born with confidence- we learn it- changed my life.
I don’t believe in sitting in shame or regret. And I learned so much from that period in my life. Nonetheless, I’d love to support you in getting out of feeling stuck and moving into action that creates the result you’re looking for in your life.
Are you ready to discover how to improve confidence? Take these steps:
- Claim the identity.
- Step into the possibility of making a change.
- Expect and welcome fear.
- Aim for a 1% improvement in taking daily steps that create the habit.
- Prepare yourself ahead of time for critics (and support!).
As a human, you have the unique ability to become conscious of your current version of self and the power to create a new expression that’s in alignment with what you believe. I call this approach active spirituality: when what you believe and what you do are in alignment.
Write down the answers to these questions:
How do you think of yourself?
Who are you, and what do you believe your identity to be?
Step into possibility
Allow me to pull back the curtain and explain why these answers matter. If you view yourself as the identity you’re seeking; you’ll make decisions that lead you to your desired results. It’s the method of action from your future self. A willingness to think about a person who is living out the reality you want and asking, “What would they say? Do? Think?”.
The first mindset shift is the readiness to believe in the possibility of becoming this person. Remember, all innovation begins with a thought.
There are three stages in learning how to improve confidence, which the five steps guide you through:
- assuming the identity
- creating the habits
- evaluating the results
It’s time to get curious. Check-in:
- What result do I want?
- What habits does someone with those results have?
- What identity does that person with those results have?
- I want to be someone who takes imperfect action. From there, I will analyze my performance and make improvements based on what I learn.
- This person is action-oriented. They set a limit on their analysis and live by the rule of deciding and figuring it out as they go. They save time by choosing to try or do things instead of stalling out waiting for the perfect solution.
- Create believable thoughts based on stepping into the person’s identity who has the habits from your answers for question 2. Such as, “I’m becoming a person who takes action rather than spinning in indecision. I expect failure and use it as a tool to learn as I go.”
Your perceived self-image dictates your habits.
Spending time in your new self-image is one of the most powerful ways to connect with how to improve confidence.
The key is to visualize this person in action so you can take those steps yourself.
Fear is universal. Feel the fear, do it anyway. Your brain learns from repetition.
The same chemical releases from our brain when we feel fear and excitement. The difference is what we make it mean. You have the choice to shift the story to one that propels you forward. Try on these thoughts to pull in compassionate self-talk:
“It’s okay to feel fear. It’s an uncomfortable emotion I’m experiencing because of my thoughts. I’m capable of handling any emotion. I can allow it and move forward. There’s trial and error with all new things, which is why my brain is concerned for my safety. I know I’m safe, and it’s okay if I mess up as I learn new skills.
Aim for a 1% improvement.
The perfectionist wants the mountaintop now and is so attached to that expectation that they often don’t take action.
Real talk: It’s unrealistic to think you’ll be perfect. Where do you see evidence that people learn new things by being perfect? Instead, receive the grace to suck along the way and shift your experience with fear.
Your brain will learn fear is not a reason to avoid doing something in all circumstances. Yes, fear can be life-saving, but recognize when it’s keeping you from actual danger versus fear of embarrassment or rejection. You will survive the latter, no matter how scary it seems.
Make it a habit.
Engage with this new behavior or your thought work around it for 5 minutes/day. Visualize assuming that identity and being that person in action.
Calm down your nervous system around the idea of making changes by taking slow, equal part breaths as you spend time imagining living in this new identity.
What is one small, doable step you can take today in support of this vision?
Here come the critics.
There are many ways to live this beautiful life. Just because something is important to you doesn’t mean it will be to everyone.
First, notice the support you do have. Our brains love to answer questions. Ask it to show you examples of the people, experiences, and opportunities supporting your goals.
The brain continually evaluates the environment to perceive threats to guide us into actions that keep us safe. It’ll want to search for the negatives. Look for the wins. Everything has a complementary opposite within the whole. Think about it: light/dark, support/teardown. Don’t self-sabotage by expecting 100% supportive feedback is required to move forward.
Some people are committed not to like you. It’s their right to make that choice- and that truth is easier to swallow if you like yourself.
One of my favorite perspectives that set me free and helped me learn how to improve confidence was recognizing I am not everyone’s peach. Let me explain. You can be the juiciest, most delicious, prize-winning peach, but someone just doesn’t like peaches. That person’s opinion doesn’t make the peach any less of a prize.
Use the time you think about haters to work on being someone who has your own back.
It’s normal to encounter resistance when learning how to improve confidence.
Trying new habits to shift into an identity that’s a complete and honest reflection of what you believe won’t come without challenges. At its core, it’s soul work. I’m cheering you on with every step you take.
People come to me because they don’t like their food or body image habits, but we end up coaching in all areas of life. Because how you do one thing is how you do everything. Additionally, eating challenges are typically a doorway to uncovering unhelpful thoughts and self-construct. Making changes in these areas transforms your whole life. And I’m here to help you bring these dreams to reality.
To your health,
If you found this information helpful in shifting your mindset, check out this post: How to Follow Through on Goals